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Beard Mode

I've read in the big calendar posted downstairs that Librans are born romantics. That those born under this emotional unstable sign ( no pun intended ) are most likely drawn to the person that they are always with. Or those giving them frequent and what seem like undivided attention. This is even without them knowing if they are only one being treated this way. Or if that someone is really good natured and they are willing to share this with someone. They will be ignoring all the realizations that are mocking them in the face but choose to be delusional instead. They love the word love and all that it has to offer. And yes, I am a Libran.

 I've been having this same kind of feeling all over again. I'm geting in like with someone that I can consider having a future with but won't even think of having one with me. Even for a second. Someone that is so unavailable not because he is in a  relationship. Someone who I know loves me for who Iam  but will only consider me as a friend no matter how great I look or how I long for him. Someone who is gay.

I know that being in love with a closeted gay guy who I even went to Baguio with and made me feel tons of heartaches that I thought then would not end will make me stop and think about this familiar ground. For me not to fall into this stupidity ever again because this will forever be a one sided love affair.  And lots of times being together ( yosi breaks even if I am not a smoker- after yesterday's training was no exception, breakfast even if I'm not eating, visits to his cube and hastening my work to be done so as to go there at the exact time we agreed to just to have brunch even if I can eat at home.

My blog entries will betray that I am really a sucker for being needed. I love it when I'm masking myself as the love guru even if I'm nowhere near in solving my own issues.  I want him to understand that I am just here for him, hear his problems even up to the wee hours of the morning while he smokes endlessly. I will savor  every detail without him knowing that just hear his voice makes me happy. I am pretty sure this is the core explanation on why he likes my company no matter how dysfunctional our relationship is for my part. 

He is not this important to me before when I was head over heels with this guy that is also the face of my emo blog entries. He dominated my life  from January-March, somewhat from April-May, for June its a different story altogether.  It is not the month when we celebrate freedom for nothing right?

 Of course he is unaware of this. He doesen't know how excited I am everytime  I kiss him in the cheeks twice daily. On how special I am feeling whenever he addresses me as babe in FB or thru text.  Double that when he calls me that in public. Every moment seems special. To me.

I was also surprised at myself on how jealous and possesive I can get when it comes to him. It is unbelievable.

It is high time for some diversion. Please.



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