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Birthday Blues

I am experiencing the mother of all birthday blues now.

Please correct me if I'm wrong. I know that most if not all people are feeling out of sorts once a year like this but I've never imagined that I will be doubling the tumble of emotions days before my 26th birthday. It seems too immature and a certified waste of time. But I found myself in the dumps even after last night's party ended. The office party that I helped organized was successful as per those who attended. Their comments should have been sufficient enough to lift me from my supposed to be yearly doldrums but to no avail.

Just like one of my earlier blog entries, I am stating reasons for this melodrama:

1. Single Blessedness Much. Not. - I've got to admit that I made this my first entry because it affected me way too much this past year. I've been blundered by too many episodes of He's Just Not That Into You moments, hilarious and heartbreaking this-guy-is-gay-oh-what-a-tragedy issues and the many questions on why I am still single even if there seems to be no reason at all on why I would be of such. This was triggered by an incident that happened last night. I am crushing on a certain guy and my friends are aware of it. They set up a situation so that we can talk. It turned out to be an uncomfortable situation for him which ended in him saying he will go home twice and getting my number to just say take care in going home and good night. He should just have kicked me in the face. I am pissed because I know that I am so not in the position to expect anything. I even got Crush by Jennifer Paige playing in my brain the whole time we are together but I felt so humiliated. It felt like I pushed myself too far even if I was not the one who initiated that encounter but my friends and being the nice guy that he is, he can't bear the thought of leaving without apologizing. I found myself questioning events yet again. It is true that I knew where I should be placing myself in this and it is not my life's goal to use my position to make him like me back. It is just that I don't deserve it. Not at all. This whole singleness is getting too thin and I need a diversion sooner than later.

2. Career Abroad- I've had several entries in which I gave detailed explanations on what happened during my Singapore stint. It was a year and a month ago when I was forced to go back to Manila and start from scratch. Which led me to sell my house in Cavite, pay loans that I got because of my dreams of making it big outside of the Philippines that I am paying until now among other things. I remembered what my good friend Ehmcee said before we started our work in SG. You will always have this feeling of wanting to work overseas if you experienced working once outside. Which is what i am feeling right now. My friend Anne who is a former TL in my current company is now in London. She said she hopes that there'll be better plans for us.

3. Loans, Loans, Loans- Just like I stated in point number two, I have loans that I am grudgingly paying until now which eats up  a good chunk of my pay every cutoff. I am now penniless days before my birthday because of this. Which made me say bye bye to a great birthday celebration. Sigh. :(

I know that with prayers and a little more faith will put me through this. This is me hoping for a great day.




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January 2012
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